by Kylene Hamulak

 

Now that The View is over, Dance Moms returns focus to the competition at hand while they're visiting New York. Mostly? That competition equals Candy Apple Cathy.

 

Other things on the NYC To Do List include Kelly taking Brooke to meet with a music manager while the other girls are rehearsing solos. Kelly's not just a mom, you know. She's a "momager". Watch out, Kris Jenner!

 

Chloe's solo this week is called "My Obsession". Abby wants her to figure out what she's obsessed with, but it's much easier to find out what her mom is obsessed with: stirring the pot. The Moms sit and discuss the circumstances at The View, when Mackenzie performed the number in place of Asia, with Christi suggesting that Skinny Kristie was a pawn in Abby's game.

 

It's no problem though. Asia's a professional, and this was like an audition, and she's smart enough to realize that. Not like some other girls. *ahem* No offense, Mackenzie.

 

Momager Kelly takes Brooke to meet with Wally, the music man, who tells her that she MUST have made a connection to people cause her single was downloaded 25,000 times. Ah, yes. Many a music superstar is made by 25,000 downloads.

 

Wally introduces her to Melody Thornton, formerly of the Pussycat Dolls, who wants to sing with Brooke. Look, I'm no music mogul or anything, but if a Pussycat Doll who is NOT Nicole wants to make music with a girl who had 25,000 downloads, I don't think I'd be quite as impressed as Brooke is.

 

But let's get back to dance. Skinny Kristie has been invited in to witness Asia's solo rehearsal, which gives the Moms a chance to talk. About their lives. About their girls. About Kristie. Did you know Beyonce wants to meet Asia?

 

She rejoins them eventually, though. Kristie, not Beyonce. And what kind of argument erupts? A fight over whether or not Asia has ever cried since joining Abby Lee.

 

"You can take away her daughter's role in dancing on a national television talk show, but don't you dare say that she cried," notes Christi.

But why are we arguing over whether or not a 7 year old cries?

 

Meanwhile, over with the Candy Apples, things are getting interesting. One of them (I can't really be bothered to learn the boys' names now, can I?) gets a text from Brooke about ice skating at Bryant Park. This isn't contrived AT ALL!! Cathy's got a point though - who takes dancers ice skating days before a competition?

 

Maddie knows what's up. She doesn't want to skate, despite Melissa's orders to have FUN. Christi has a different take.

 

"Maddie didn't want to ice skate because she needs to be the best at everything she does, and CLEARLY she's not an Olympic gold medalist in figure skating, so she didn't want to skate."

 

Or maybe she's just afraid of Abby.

 

Asia's not skating either. SHE is afraid of Abby, and Kristie isn't risking her getting hurt. "She knows why," insists Kristie.

 

"Asia, what can't you skate?" prods Maddie.

 

"I don't know," replies Asia.

 

Honestly, this whole moment, when Asia pleads with her mother to just let her stand in her shoes on the ice, says so much.

 

You know what else says a lot? Abby. She found out the girls were ice skating and suggests that an acting class may have been more beneficial, especially since their contract specifically states NO ICE SKATING.

 

It doesn't say no push-ups though. So the girls who put skates on are all going to pay for it with 100 push-ups while Asia runs her solo.

 

The Moms are having this major repetitive argument through the glass that I'm sure was really amusing for anyone watching it without hearing what was going on. Christi calls Kristie a bitch, Kristie is finger wagging like crazy, Jill is denying ever doing anything wrong EVER, and Kelly is declaring herself "a lover not a fighter!"

 

It's getting a little heated, so this seems like a good time to update the momager situation - not only has Kelly taken on the role, but Christi is ready to take Chloe out on the road too! First stop is a meeting with Ceasar, who previously met Chloe and Paige at a dance show.

 

Apparently people have always told Kelly that Paige lights up the room when she walks into it. She thinks that's a great trait for being on television. I think maybe Paige just knows where the light switches are. *rim shot*

 

After the kids do their little meeting, Kelly and Christi decide to explore the city. This sounds like another reality show waiting to happen. Their first stop? A little bar in Brooklyn where they chat up the bartender, and by the time the other Moms arrive, they're talking about eating bugs and rats., but they're having a grand old time doing it. WHAT?

 

Candy Apple Cathy could use a drink. Anthony is trying to teach her boys, and Cathy can't keep her mouth shut. Tempers flare, there's some yelling, but mostly? Mostly Anthony gets pissed off that she doesn't let him work through his creative process and live in his kingdom.

 

"I'm crazy. I'm crazy in this place," Anthony tells Cathy, who is in tears. Jalen and his dad are trying to talk it out too. Gah, Jalen's dad is the most irritating person ever to be on this show, is he not? He wants to be a Dance Mom SOOOO badly.

 

Let's talk about the BEST character ever to be on this show: Vivi.

 

In a COMPLETELY UNSCRIPTED conversation, Vivi asks Jalen how rehearsals have been going. Is this a date, Vivi? Ummmm...I'm pretty sure it is, because Jalen asked her what her favorite color is. (It's blue, by the way.) And then her favorite video game. (Harry Potter.) And if she can hear Anthony yelling. This is serious stuff, guys.

 

And then, get ready for it, possibly my FAVORITE line of the season from Vivi:

 

"I was in there the whole time. AND I found a quarter on the floor!"

 

I'll bet that quarter she immediately thought of at least four gumball machines she could spend it on.

 

By competition day, it appears she should've spent it on some chicken soup, cause Vivi is sick, keeping Candy Apple Cathy home with her. For now.

 

On their way to the stage, ALDC encounters Jalen's dad, and Abby can't stop herself from making a comment, which, of course, sets off a bunch of angry trades between the Dance Moms (Melissa in particular) and Jalen's dad. I feel nothing but irritated.

 

Asia's robotic solo is first, and she's every bit as good as her mother claims she is. "She brought that robot to life," says Abby. Next up is Maddie's "I'm On My Way," and it's gorgeous, and Chloe's "My Obsession" goes well too.

 

We're back in the dressing room before Kendall dances (or maybe I just missed it) but the show isn't over - Abby wants to know what all the drama at the studio was about, and, to her credit, Kristie admits that the most colorful language was coming from her mouth. Somehow it becomes another issue about Asia crying (or not crying) and Kendall crying (or not crying), so Jill decides it's time to leave. Good to see how far we've come this season.

 

Kendall does perform "Hands Up" eventually, and she does it well despite the emotional breakdown that comes with being called a blubbering crybaby. Candy Apple Zack has a solo too, and he performs it in scrubs. It's like Grey's Anatomy: The Musical...but I'll admit it's a pretty good routine. Even though Abby (and I, to be honest) didn't really understand it. The Candy Apples duet, "Illusions of Dance" is cool, and I feel ok admitting that, since they weren't up against any of our girls.

 

Finally, it's group time. Candy Apples perform first with "Dia de Los Muertos", and it's a strong routine. I'm not sure if it's the haunting music or the costumes and makeup or what, but it looks great. ALDC's "Runaways (Children With Guns)" seems to be going well...until Cathy opens her mouth, saying Paige "generally doesn't know what she's doing." That's when you know all hell is about to break loose.

 

And break loose it does. Abby tells Paige that they're "ripping her apart," encouraging a CHILD to confront adults about what they just said. Anthony begins giving her direction, which Paige doesn't mind except, you know, that it's IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE. As Kelly notes, she pays ABBY for those corrections - not Anthony.

 

Abby is pissssssed. Not, like, sickle feet pissed. Not crybaby Kendall pissed. Not even Mackenzie lying about her foot pissed. She's REAL pissed. And as Melissa notes, they stick up for each other.

 

Awards begin, but Paige leaves the stage soon after, followed by Kelly's exit from the auditorium. She blames both Abby AND Cathy for humiliating her daughter. They both return eventually, just to show 'em.

 

Asia receives 1^st Place overall and Judges' Choice, while Kendall begins the category in 4^th Place. There's a tie for 2^nd, broken by technique score, which means Chloe wins 3^rd, with 2^nd Place going to Candy Apple Zack. Maddie, of course, earns 1^st Place. Candy Apple's duet wins 1^st Place too, but you can't win if you don't play, amiright? So there's only group awards left - Abby Lee Dance wins 2^nd Place, leaving Candy Apples in 1^st Place.

 

Again.

 

"I have to put it all into perspective," Abby says. "Cathy didn't best me. One little girl that she stole, three boys from around the country, and a guest choreographer beat me. THAT I can handle."

 

Well...she IS right about that.

 

Kelly's still upset about the incident with Paige, but Abby is proud of her. Despite Kelly's tears, she thinks Paige handled herself well and stood up to Cathy and Anthony. Personally? I think she had an 11-year-old fight her battle.

 

But the battle isn't over. Candy Apple Cathy comes in for the last word - she declares that ABBY LEE DANCE IS GOING DOWN!

 

Down where? Apparently LA. Since that's where Abby's looking for property.

 

How's that for a season ending cliffhanger?

 

(Image Courtesy of Lifetime)

 

Follow Kylene on Twitter at @keepingupwithky!