I was going to enter my family in the post-apocalyptic reality show casting now. My first thought was that we'd do well. My mother is a survival expert, my 22 year old sister is a certified EMT, who interns at a local ER, and is in medical school, and I have two black belts, in Kendo and Ryuku Kempo. That's a solid team, right? Post prep-week to have Christmas at my family's house, I changed my mind, for two reasons. One was the hysterics everyone broke into when the aforementioned medic had a diabetic seizure. This has happened several times, requiring only a shot of glucogon. I did that. After hearing my mother and youngest sister shrieking hysterically, ripping the room apart as they looked for the glucagon, in its bright red case, that was right where it should have been, with the rest of the diabetes supplies. What happens when the medic needs medical attention? Panic, apparently, if I'm not there. Reason number two is a story to come. Have a great day! Votes are in!
As the final days of 2011 tick by, I attached something I have learned in all my years: If you wish to succeed in life, make perseverance your bosom friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother, and hope your guardian genius. It worked for me! Your vote is in.
Home! Haha, there's nothing like peace and quiet after a long family reunion. Here's how to know your holiday season has gone PERFECTLY: 1.) Six days before christmas, you realize you're not done shopping. 2.) The next couple of days involve an emergency vet visit, SIDS scare from the cousin, and a diabetic seizure from the sister. 3.) You spend 5+ hours in a military hospital ER, waiting for a tube of burn cream, because your grandmother has still not understood that you genuinely are too stupid to boil water. 4.) Your mother, with her defective cleaning OCD, has you spend all day polishing the same two leather couches, only realizing when you have to go home that nothing got done...cue shrieking. 5.) You're sent to your house to clean the family heirloom serving set...150+ pieces, formerly thought lost, discovered in a dingy closet. The mission: hand wash half an inch of grime off the set, then hit with silver cleaner for tarnish, then scrub and polish again. This is a great theory...if your kitchen sink emitted more than a pathetic dribble of water. And, 6.) While you're determinedly, simultaneously swiffering the kitchen floor, and tending the spiced yams, and babysitting a handful of the THIRTEEN new babies my family has added since the start of the year...you hear your mother...shouting at your sister about not hanging the expensive leather coats on wire hangers. ( "No wire hangers, EVER!!" < anyone familiar with that quote? ) Yep...another successful Christmas with my gigantic German/Polish family...certifiable insanity and all. Here's hoping your holiday was just a tiny shade SANER. Now...cleaning for the New Years party at my grandmother's house. Voted!
My Christmas Eve wish for you: May you always walk in sunshine.May you never want for more.May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. Your vote is in!
The chaos of my family's preparations for Christmas notwithstanding, here I am sneaking in my votes before returning to the ultimate dead zone where my family dwells, from which no cell phone reception can ever enter or leave, I offer these words: Here in the final stretch before Christmas, let's not forget that, whatever holiday you celebrate, don't let the bells, whistles, frills, lights, tree and material gifts cause you to forget that this time should be about family, friends, loved ones, and peace and goodwill toward all. Here's hoping each of you have a happy, healthy, and blessed holiday. With sincerest gratitude for each and every one of you, and the kindness and friendship you've shown me, Blessed Be your Merry Christmas.
