by Mike Bandy

This week's ANTM All Stars was arguably the best episode of Top Model EVER! Don't believe me? Look at the facts - A new prize for the winner of the cycle (having their signature scent marketed and sold!), a photo shoot involving Snooki and NeNe Leakes, and comedienne extraordinaire Kathy Griffin as guest judge! Oh, and a DOUBLE ELIMINATION! Are you kidding me?!? I can barely contain myself. Okay, let's get to it...

We started out with Lisa saying that Bianca's time in the house would get interesting, now that Bre has been eliminated, and she doesn't have a bodyguard. Meanwhile, Alexandria said that being told that her picture made her look like a reality show star knocked her off her game a bit, while Shannon said that the judges want her to be more raunchy, but she won't ever do that, even to win.
Bianca talked about how she doesn't have a clique in the house since Bre is gone, and that she's in this all alone. We got a glimpse of just how tough it would be for Bianca during her argument with Alexandria about who would get in the shower first. Their squabbling led Bianca to the conclusion that she understood why girls on Alex's cycle treated her the way they did.

Then, the girls got a Tyra Mail: "If it doesn't make dollars, it doesn't make sense". As the girls were preparing to leave for their challenge, Kayla and Bianca were having a conversation about their strengths and weaknesses. Bianca told Kayla that she's a great model, but her personality doesn't translate. Kayla told Bianca that her personality isn't approachable, and that "the bitch never wins". The whole conversation was tragic foreshadowing...

The girls met Nigel (who looked a little hippy in that suit) on the roof of the Roosevelt Hotel, where they were told that they'd be designing their own signature fragrance. The girls went on to pick different notes for their fragrance, and also got to name them. A few interesting tidbits: Lisa called hers "Neon", which sounds really fun, Shannon called hers "Smitten" and wanted it to be angelic, and Alexandria, whom the other girls thought took too long to pick her fragrance notes, chose to call hers "Diamondatrix".

Then Nigel announced that the girls would be marketing their fragrance that night at a launch party, where they'd have to be in bathtubs. The fans would score and decide who wins, and the winner of the challenge would be safe from elimination this week. Bianca was immediately upset, saying that Tyra would NEVER do something like this, because she's a woman and is taken seriously as a model. She went on and on talking about how no real model would do this, and Lisa said she was digging herself into a hole. Yep.

At the launch party, Cycle 3 winner Eva (with hair whiter than Storm from the Xmen) was on hand, and most of the girls did really well. Lisa was the life of the party, while Bianca refused to get in the tub at all, much to Nigel's chagrin. Everyone else was pretty standard. At the end of the challenge, Lisa was declared the winner.

Back at the house, the Tyra Mail said: "The reality is, sometimes you just go along for the ride." The photo shoot would have the girls riding around Hollywood on the back of a motorcycle, posed as a reality star (either Snooki from Jersey Shore, or NeNe Leakes from the Real Housewives of Atlanta). Alexandria wondered how she could get her high fashion back when she has to portray a reality star. In the normal world of modeling, she'd be right, but this is Top Model we're talking about. And we're not in Cycle 16 anymore, dear.

Top Model resident photographer Mike Rosenthal was there for the shoot, which went off without a hitch, despite crowds of ignorant onlookers yelling in the street. Kayla was really distracted, Lisa was amazing and dynamic (as per usual), and Laura had great attitude throughout her shoot. But the real story was Bianca, who had requested to have a jar of pickles for her portrayal of Snooki, and then refused to give the other girls any. She pissed quite a few of them off, but when Bianca tried out the pickle at her shoot, Jay hated it. Maybe it's better that she didn't give the other girls any!

And then came the magic of Kathy Griffin at panel. She was posing as Tyra and said that Tyra was let go by the company, and she was there as her replacement. Tyra then showed up, and Kathy asked how she'd gotten out of her dressing room. Tyra then told her to sit her ass down. It was FANTASTIC!

On to the judging - some girls who did really well were Angelea, whose cheekbones went on for days, Lisa's shot was inspired, and Dominique took a lot of risks. In the not-so-great category: Kayla looked dazed in her shot and the judges didn't think she was giving any attitude. Shannon lost the sizzle she had in Cycle 1, and it showed in her photo. Again, the real story was Bianca, who gave the judges sass about not getting in the tub (she said Beyonce would never do that. Go YouTube Beyonce's commercial for her Heat fragrance and then tell me she'd never do it!). I gotta admit, when we went to commercial, I didn't know who was going home.

After deliberation, Tyra announced that there were nine girls in front of her, but only seven photos in her hands. DOUBLE ELIMINATION, BABY! Which three girls would be on the chopping block? Here's how it went:

1. Lisa
2. Angelea
3. Laura
4. Alexandria
5. Allison
6. Dominique

Kayla, Shannon and Bianca were all in danger. Shannon is stunning and has strong morals, but the judges see someone too safe to stand out. Kayla had strong pictures in her cycle, but now the judges feel that she's watered down. Bianca is one of the most modelesque looking girls there, but she's not coachable.

Tyra pulled Shannon's picture, and Kayla and Bianca were eliminated.

Kayla said that she's okay with the results, she's learned a lot, and she's proud of herself, and she wouldn't take anything back. Bianca said that she'll continue being herself - candid and fashionable. She said that it sucks to lose, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

Next week, the girls star in their own music video. Can't wait!!