by Kylene Hamulak

 

As Dance Moms opens, Abby is in a pretty good mood coming off a big win over Cathy's Candy Apples.

 

Pretty good. Not entirely.

 

Pyramid begins with Brooke, who not only forgot the routine but talked - TALKED! - to Rosa Parks. There's giggling in the studio because some - Kelly in particular - thought it was funny. Some - Abby in particular - did not. Abby dismisses Brooke from pyramid and rehearsal. "I'm really dismissing her so she can find her brain," Abby explains. Mackenzie's on the bottom too, but that's because she didn't dance.

 

Know who did dance? Nia. And she did it beautifully, and Abby tells her Rosa Parks would be proud and yada yada yada - where'd it get you, Nia? You're still on the bottom of the pyramid. With Kendall, who got the next to highest score in the competition.

 

The middle of the pyramid is reserved for our duet, Chloe and Paige. Christi is happy with Chloe's placement. Maddie, of course, is at the top of the pyramid for giving the audience chills.

 

This week, Kendall gets another solo and an assignment to start jogging in place to work on her stamina. Chloe gets a solo too, and she starts jogging in place with excitement, not because she has to. Abby tells Maddie she's wants her to be a leader this week, assigning her a duet - with Mackenzie and called "Run From Mother"!

 

"Gold Digga," the group routine, has a special surprise for the girls, which Abby has yet to reveal. Also revealing a special surprise? Melissa, who's sporting some extra bling on a certain ring finger.

 

"Stop. What? Rewind," says Christi. Seriously!

 

Um, yeah, seriously. Melissa got married in her living room on a Monday night wearing a gown with Paige as her "Best Girl." The most surprising part of all the crazy things I just told you? Kelly actually kept it a secret.

 

Back to Abby's secret - her guest has arrived. She enters the studio and while the girls are clearly trying to be impressed, they have no idea who it is. Most of the Moms are having trouble guessing too, until Jill recognizes the guest as Richelle Rak of Flashdance on Broadway. "I'm built just like her underneath this outfit I have on," says Kelly.

 

Richelle begins working with the girls, positioning them and telling them that she wants them to each to have a secret. "Oh, there's a few of them that have secrets," yells out Abby. Oh really, Abby? They're 11. Do we really wanna call them out for not brushing their teeth last night?

 

Paige appears to be getting featured as Richelle continues with the girls, and Kelly wishes Brooke was still here to see it. Abby, who has given up complete control of the rehearsal for the moment, appears to be getting a little antsy. For one thing, she thinks Richelle is taking too long to teach the routine. For another?

 

She's teaching the girls to stand pigeon-toed. "Does Abby see that she's teaching them to turn their feet in?" wonder the Moms.

 

So when the girls return to rehearsal the next day, the Moms are girlcrushing on Richelle, wishing they had her body. Oh, but don't worry, Moms! Kelly has an idea! She's talking about some kind of vegetable extract wrap and, no lie, I legit thought she was referring to some kind of diet that was a lot of, you know, wraps.

 

No such luck. When Kelly says wrap? She means literally a wrap. Around your problem area for 45 minutes to tighten your skin. Like four times a month or something. Christi demonstrates that her problem area starts at her head and goes down to her feet. "I don't have a problem "area". I'm a problem."

 

Speaking of problems, Mackenzie is having some with the group dance. Abby is concerned that she's drawing attention to herself in a negative way, and would prefer to have her work on the duet. Chloe is having issues too, but it's only because Abby changed the choreography.

 

When the group is done, Maddie and Mackenzie come in for their first duet rehearsal, and it seems to go pretty well. Mackenzie, however, wants us to know she does NOT like it when Abby compares her to Maddie. She's Mackenzie, you know. Chloe's solo looks strong, but Abby tells her to run through it without a mistake. No pressure though, Chlo. She stumbles on one step and is then dismissed.

 

Let's take a break from dance and visit Kelly's house, shall we? She's hosting a wrap party for the Moms. None of them have any real faith in it (well, except maybe for Kelly), but they're all willing to give anything a shot. Christi offers an arm, Holly bravely goes for the facial, Jill's belly gets the treatment, Kelly's doing her ass, and Melissa seems to be flashing some boobage for some reason, though I'm not clear if that was related to the treatment or just some married-life fun.

 

And then there's this nugget from Melissa: "Kelly and I always kinda walk around naked, we're always going into each other's rooms." Say what?

 

Back at the studio, Abby has decided to remove Mackenzie from the dance so she can concentrate on the duet. Initially, Kelly seems the most upset about the decision and I'm all like, "Wow, it's nice to see Kelly fired up about what's fair for a kid that isn't hers." And then she continues - turns out? It's actually about Brooke. Kelly's pissed that her able daughter isn't in the studio with the group because she's not a favorite.

 

The day of the competition, Abby is picking fights with Jill and Kendall. She asks her to "sit the wall" which makes me feel bad for the kid, cause that's not fun. Christi wants Chloe to go out and give the "rocker chick" performance and own the solo.

 

Kendall's jazz solo - "Easy as 1-2-3" - is adorable, and she performs it beautifully with a lot of expression on her face. Before Maddie and Mackenzie go on stage for their duet, Maddie explains that it's their first one...so they have to win. So no pressure, Kenz! Maddie takes her sister's hand with an "I love you" which Mackenzie returns. It's a sweet moment for like...three seconds until Mackenzie lets go and gets a stern, "KEN, seriously!" Ah, sisters - their performance is great.

 

Chloe's solo is called "Black Heart," and she's definitely not the delicate flower she's been in previous performances. The hard attitude works well with the routine, and she nails the steps...and then does a rocker face as she leaves the stage. Abby is not pleased. "I have had it with that kid," she says. Uh oh.

 

Richelle is at the competition to see the girls perform the routine she taught them. Except not. Because Mackenzie is gone, and the choreography is changed, so really...it's not Richelle's routine anymore. Richelle asks to see the routine and still thinks Mackenzie looks good, so the group is back to six.

 

Abby is nervous about this decision. "We all know I'm a control freak," she admits. My untrained eye thought they looked pretty good, but what do I know? Abby stands by her decision. "Mackenzie should NOT have been in that routine."

 

Awards are given to Kendall for 3^rd Place in her solo and Chloe gets 1^st Place for hers. Will that spare her the wrath of Abby? Maddie and Mackenzie take 1^st Place for their duet, too. When it comes to the group, Richelle's number came in 1^st Place as well, and Abby's willing to take all the credit for the performance. (Note: This would NOT have been the case if they hadn't won.)

 

Back in the dressing room, the girls are ecstatic and blissfully unaware of the bad mood Abby is in. First up is Kendall, who gets in trouble for running her routine backstage. But don't worry - Jill is ready to throw Maddie and Mackenzie right under that bus Rosa Parks was in last week.  Chloe, of course, gets demerits for her rock face.

 

Abby gives some speech about lessons to be learned each week and tells us she wants more for the girls than just trophies.

 

And as she dramatically exits the dressing room, she says, "As Mr. Fosse says, it's all in the timing."

 

I so wish she had left the room with a rocker face instead.

Dance Moms airs Tuesday at 9/8c on Lifetime!

 

(Image Courtesy of Lifetime)

 

Follow Kylene on Twitter at @keepingupwithky!