by Kylene Hamulak

Abby Lee holds up two fingers as Dance Moms begins. She explains it's not about peace though. Nope. It stands for SECOND. "Losers" for the second week in a row.

Pyramid time: Mackenzie is at the bottom because she didn't dance, and Paige is down there too because she held the American flag up wrong. "Don't do a disservice to this country," Abby tells the kid, as if she had balled it up and stomped on Old Glory after wiping bbq sauce off her fave using the stars and stripes. Kendall is on the bottom because she has to work on her focus, and Brooke joins her because she doesn't think onstage. Chloe is in the middle with Nia, who Abby is finally noticing. Asia is in the middle row too, number two for the week, and her mom is satisfied as long as she doesn't drop lower than that. Well, ok then. Maddie, of course, is at the top of the pyramid, and in case you wondered? She embodies what American was founded upon. Or something. Abby tells everyone that Maddie IS America the Beautiful.

No, really. She did.

Anyway, before we get this week's assignments, there's some business to discuss. Mackenzie's foot, for one, as she's not wearing a cast. Abby begins interrogating her, and everytime Mackenzie answers, Melissa is there to correct her. "Can you let me speak?" requests Kenzie, before explaining to Abby that the doctor said she could dance when it felt better.

Abby's not buying it. The doctor said two weeks, so that's how long it's gonna take. She gives some cockamamie reason about not wanting to cause harm to Mackenzie's teeny tiny fragile baby bones and risk her career as a dancer. My Abby Lee Decoder Ring translates that to mean she needs a good excuse to cause a little drama between Asia/Skinny Kristy and the other girls/Moms.

So let's talk about this week's competition, which is in Ohio. The group dance is called "Hear No Evil" and features all the dancers...except Mackenzie and Maddie. Wait, WHAT? Maddie? She's NOT in the group?!

Nope. She's not. Because she's assisting with the choreography instead. Maddie is also doing a solo called "They'll Never Change," and Asia is given a duet with Nia called "Move You Two."  Chloe gets the last solo, a Contemporary routine called "About Mother."

Rehearsing Maddie's solo, Abby suggests that the "they" in "They'll Never Change" could be referring to any number of things. The other girls, for example. Or maybe the Moms? Well, yeah, because they ARE all up there in the gallery gossiping about a tween. If Maddie's so much more advanced than the other girls and the rest of their team is holding her back, they wonder why she doesn't just get moved to a more advanced class. They've got a point.

Let's pick on someone else though...how about Asia? Abby's working with her in the group because she's having trouble staying in sync with the other girls, so Jill, with all the subtley of freight train roaring through town, points it out to Skinny Kristy. No worries, says Kristy - it might look crappy here but she pulls it together on stage.

But back to the M&M girls. "Speaking of Mackenzie," segues Christie, as she again questions how the younger sister found a miraculous cure for her foot. Melissa insists that she was able to dance when she felt better, and she's fine. Christie insists that she's lying. We haven't heard the last of this.

Have you ever wondered about Abby's view on the world? No? Well, too bad, because she's just gotten an invitation to co-host The View on ABC. Not only does she get to sit next to Whoopi, but the girls are invited to dance too!

"I think Abby can hold her own," says Jill, "but I am a little worried about what's going to come out of her mouth."

At group rehearsal, Maddie is both happy and sad about her new role. She likes leading the group, but she misses dancing with them and doesn't want her friends to get angry with her.

Abby, meanwhile, has decided that "The Last Text" is the piece she'd like to submit to The View and the group is ready to rehearse...without Mackenzie. Asia is replacing her in the number - for now, at least.

Outside of dance, Kelly is pimping her kids again. Oh, wait. Did I say pimping? I meant prepping. Prepping her kids for their trip to New York so they can explore other opportunities, particularly singing for Brooke. Personally, I think Brooke would rather be home doing science projects. And by "science projects," I really mean hanging out with boys.

Even though she can't dance, Abby wants Mackenzie traveling to competition so she can keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't get hurt before the trip to New York. There's a rumor going around in the peanut gallery though - Christie reports that Melissa is accusing Asia of bullying Mackenzie. Skinny Kristie is reporting that Asia claims Mackenzie told Maddie she's going to do The View, so Asia doesn't need to worry about it. These kids are, like, 7. So are the Moms.

Let's talk about poor Blondie for a moment - that's Chloe. Abby says, "Chloe wants to be a star, a celebrity. She wants to sign autographs." It's probably true. I like to sign autographs too. But Abby thinks she needs to put it on hold and work on dance instead.

And then there's the duet. Now, you tell me - how would you feel if your daughter's dance teacher compared your 7-year-old kid to a drag queen? Because that's what happens here - Abby thinks Asia's persona compares to the over-the-top persona of a drag          queen. And that's what she wants Nia to be. The Moms' play by play of Abby's "drag queen walk" is amazing. "She's revving up from head to toe...mama's in the house."

Ok, ladies...settle down. It's time to grill Melissa about how Asia is bullying Mackenzie. Lemme tell ya - Skinny Kristie? Kind of a bitch. Don't mess with her. Kelly's not buying it - she thinks Melissa is looking for any excuse to make Asia look bad. "It makes no sense," Skinny Kristie tells us. "I'm not gonna argue with stupid."

At the competition, Chloe's solo is the first to go on, and it's beautiful. Christie is proud of her and thinks she looks amazing. Maddie's is flawless too, so the competition is fierce. Also fierce? Asia and Nia's duet. Holly is nervous because they're unprepared when the competition skips to the duet, but they do pull it off.

Holly and Skinny Kristie are pissssssed. It's not enough that the duet looked good - they're mad that Abby left the girls unprepared. Of course Abby uses it as a dancer's teaching moment - they need to ADAPT. "Abby's lucky that the duet performed as well as they did," Holly notes.

The group routine is headed to the stage when Abby calls to Maddie, "If they don't do well, I'm gonna need a new assistant." I can almost see the wheels turning in Maddie's head as she considers how worried she needs to be. With Maddie watching from the wings, the girls look terrific. Abby thinks she's made her point.

On to awards. With one point separating them in the solos, Chloe is awarded 2nd place, with Maddie taking the top spot. Abby is satisfied - "Chloe has learned her lesson," says Abby. And she's hot on Maddie's trail. Nia and Asia's duet earns them 1^st Place as well, as does the group number. Abby is thrilled.

"The girls learned not to rely on Maddie. Now, they could learn not to rely on their mothers and think for themselves, I might have a whole new team on my hands."

Maybe...but would we still have a show?!

Probably, at least for one more week - we've still got to see who makes it to The View!

Dance Moms airs Tuesday at 9/8c on Lifetime!

(Image Courtesy of Lifetime)

Follow Kylene on Twitter at @keepingupwithky!