by Kylene Hamulak

 

A successful competition that ends in victory over the Candy Apples typically means a pleasant pyramid on Dance Moms, but this is still the aftermath. This is still life without Brooke and Paige, who Abby informs the group do NOT want to be there.

 

Maybe it's true. But we've got Peyton. And as Abby points out, "The Supremes, The Temptations, EVEN THE BEATLES! Replaced people in the group." Soooo...yeah. Abby compared a handful of tween dancers to The Beatles. That happened.

 

Anyway, Brooke and Paige earn themselves on the lowest level of the pyramid this week, which is actually pretty good considering they didn't, you know, show up. Abby thinks if they wanted to dance, they'd find a way to be there. Payton wants to dance, but unfortunately, her mouth is a little smarter than her head, and not shutting it didn't get her too far - she's on the bottom wrung, along with Asia and Mackenzie. Speaking of which, Kristie is NOT happy that Mackenzie is one spot above Asia.  Sorry, Kristie - just because your kid didn't put her costume on backwards this week doesn't mean she gets the top spot.

 

Chloe is in the middle of the pack for no real good reason, and Maddie is there because Abby thinks if she wins to much, she'll quit working. Kendall has the second spot because Crazy Apple's henchmen bullied her in the dressing room. On top of the pyramid? It's Nia - not because she was the best, but because she asked Abby how she could be better.

 

This week's competition is held in Orlando, and I think that I squealed as loudly as the girls did when Abby announced it. As if they're going to have time to play in the Magic Kingdom and have breakfast with Mickey Mouse. Everyone is in the group routine, "On the Verge," and Abby references Kelly's "breakdown" as inspiration for it.

 

"I'm on the verge of needing a drink," says Christi.

 

The first solo goes to Chloe ("Fired Up"), and it's a Latin routine, which she's never done before. "I don't know what's going to happen," she says. Oh boy. This will end well. Kendall gets a solo too ("Under My Spell"), and Jill is excited that her daughter is getting a "Maddie" solo. The final solo goes to Nia, who will be dancing a tribute to Broadway Baby.

 

Who, by the way, Abby has had "preserved."

 

So anyway, it's rehearsal time, and of course the Moms are discussing the pyramid. When Christi notes how weird it was that Maddie was third for being "too perfect," Melissa casually replies that, you know, OF COURSE Maddie should've been at the top. I could practically hear the record screech as the Moms turned their heads in surprise to stare her down. Christi knows Melissa is freaking out about Maddie not getting any solo (let alone the Broadway Baby tribute) and suggests maybe "all that poop scoopin' really didn't pay off!"

 

The next day, the girls are rehearsing while Abby has gone to pick up Broadway Baby from the taxidermist. You know, I'm gonna be honest - I wanted to make all kinds of jokes about this experience as Abby and her mom discuss taking Baby home to put her in front of the tv because she likes to watch it, but then? Then the guy brings the pup out. And, yes, it's a little weird, but as a lover of pets and dogs especially, I get it.

 

Thankfully, Abby breaks the emotion for me. "She had a good life," laments Abby, "but I shoulda put her in commercials."

 

Back at the studio, Christi's phone is ringing - it's Kelly. And you know the second she throws it to speaker phone, it's not going to end well. She invites Christi, Jill and Holly over to "catch up." Oh. Melissa's not invited. Awwwwkward....

 

Christi's faces are terrific. Melissa knows why she wasn't invited, but Christi's impression of her is amazing.

 

It's time for Nia's solo rehearsal, and she's having some problems with a particular sequence of steps. I'm not sure if Abby intended to prove a point by not having Maddie do the solo, but I think she might be regretting it as she threatens to cancel Nia's dance. "My lips are sealed, my mouth is shut, and I'm just going to walk away while Nia still has a solo," says Dr. Holly.

 

Rounds of musical chairs are taking place with the Moms upstairs, as Leslie tries to maintain her place on the team. Or, rather, not on the team, I guess. Depending on who you ask. Leslie thinks she's on the team, you see, but the Dance Moms? They're pretty sure she's not. She's just WITH the team, and there's a difference. Again, Christi pulls out an impression, this time of Leslie, and it's spot on.

 

"My name is Leslie, and I beg beg beg for my daughter Payton to be on the team and blah blah blah aaaaand....I annoy the crap out of everyone," imitates Christi.

 

Remember when Kendall had to learn how to make faces? We're there again. She's given the task of coming up with three facial expressions for her solo routine. Maybe she should talk to Christi.

 

It's Ladies' Night at Kelly's house, which means the Dance Moms are serving up booze and gossip. We drink to the solos for Nia, Kendall, and Chloe, we drink to Brooke's song (which, by the way, I'm pretty sure is the only way I could listen to more than one verse of it), and we drink to backstabbing at ALDC.

 

It becomes clear pretty quickly that Dr. Holly is in over her head at this point. "Kelly's being really immature right now...she needs to suck it up and come back to the team." According to Kelly, however, this is Dr. Holly's "mindset of being a teacher." She thinks Holly needs to be a mom before she's a teacher. I think maybe being an adult is a good place to start, but who am I to judge?

 

Jill is leaning towards Holly's view of it (although her real stance is less about what's right and more about the math - no Brooke and Paige means more solos for Kendall) but Christi thinks they're going down Melissa's path of doing whatever they have to for their kids. "Are you absolutely insane?" asks Holly.

 

Jury's out, Holly. Jury's out.

 

But the truth is, as Jilly admits, if Kendall had the opportunity to perform, she would've considered sending her to the west coast, which is one of the events that has led to the break between the Moms. Christi doesn't want to deal with Jill anymore, so she just leaves, with Kelly giving a half hearted "Don't leave..." as she drops another cheese cube in her mouth.

 

At the competition in Orlando, Abby has gotten word that Kelly may make an appearance. "Let's get something straight," Abby says. "The Abby Lee Dance Company has ONE president. And it's me. I rule this Abby Lee Dance Company!"

 

Ok, Abby. I can get on board with that. However, President of the Abby Lee Dance Company doesn't actually translate to President of THE WORLD, so when Kelly does show up at the competition, they get into the calmest confrontation that's ever taken place on Dance Moms. It's a literal stand off, as Abby refuses to move so Kelly can sit down, and Kelly responds by...standing.

 

Kendall's solo is first, and it gets a lukewarm response. It actually looks good, but the focus is on Nia at this point, who is preparing to take the stage in tribute to Broadway Baby. As she begins her routine, even I can tell that she's moving too quickly, and Abby motions to her to slow down. Still, Abby seems satisfied that she was all about the fun and sass.

 

Kelly is still standing as Chloe waits to take the stage, and Abby's mom has some thoughts about it. Unfortunately, Kelly is correct when she says that Abby doesn't tell her mom about all the things she says and does, so her exasperation is a little unfair.

 

Chloe's solo, on the other hand, looks terrific (but, again, what do I know), but we don't really have time for that.

 

Back in the dressing room, Christi is happy to have Kelly there "supporting" the team, though Leslie isn't as pleased. She thinks Kelly is hurting Payton (which is probably true, in the sense that she wouldn't be on the team if Kelly returned), Kelly denies it. Leslie is pretty pissed that Kelly dared to show up at all.

 

Just before the girls go on for their group dance, Abby has them run it in the dressing room. She's not impressed with what she sees and says with frustration, "we're gonna get beat." The actual performance goes well, but as Abby notes, "Sometimes simple and clean is better than intricate and sloppy," and that choreography was intricate.

 

Soooooo...awards? Nah, let's have a dance battle first. Asia on stage vs. her mother in the audience. Oh gosh...this is so awkward. I'm suffering from a serious case of mortification by-proxy watching this one, but Kristie declares herself the Queen Bee.

 

Awards begin with Nia getting 9^th Place, which Abby says was lucky for her. Kendall takes 5^th Place for her solo, and Chloe is awarded 2^nd Place. Christi is proud, but, of course, Abby looks totally unimpressed. Her disappointment, however, is about to grow - the group is announced as 4^th Place.

 

"The only thing worse than 4^th Place would be Kelly crashing the competition."

 

Which, of course, she did. Soooo...it's a pretty rough day for Abby.

 

Kelly and the Moms are having a spirited discussion with Leslie (again, she's not ON the team, she's WITH the team), who admits that she will take any opportunity for Payton that she can. "We're not just raising dancers," reminds Dr. Holly, "we're raising PEOPLE." That's true. "Even Melissa and Jill, the biggest Dance Moms around, want more for their daughters than stardom and fame." Ummm...that's...I'm not sure that's true, Holly.

 

Kristie has heard enough. She makes her grand exit from the "chat" letting them all know that if her kid doesn't get an opportunity, she'll pick up and leave for the next opportunity. She's tired of this "chat" and leaves with a peace sign.

 

If she had a mic, she would've dropped it on her way out.

 

Catch Dance Moms every Tuesday at 9/8c on Lifetime!

 

(Image Courtesy of Lifetime)

 

Follow Kylene on Twitter at @keepingupwithky!